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The woman in charge of costuming assigned us our outfits and gave us a lecture on keeping things clean. she held up a calendar and said, "ladies, you know what this is. use it. i have scraped enough blood out from the crotches of elf knickers to last me the rest of my life. and don't tell me, 'i don't wear underpants, i'm a dancer.' you're not a dancer. if you were a real dancer you wouldn't be here. you're an elf and you're going to wear panties like an elf.
-David Sedaris
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The Woman In Charge Of Costuming Assigned

David Sedaris
The woman in charge of costuming assigned us our outfits and gave us a lecture on keeping things clean. she held up a calendar and said, "ladies, you know what this is. use it. i have scraped enough blood out from the crotches of elf knickers to last me the rest of my life. and don't tell me, 'i don't wear underpants, i'm a dancer.' you're not a dancer. if you were a real dancer you wouldn't be here. you're an elf and you're going to wear panties like an elf.
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Real Blood Dancer

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The elf and the dormouse under a toadstool crept a wee elf, out of the rain to shelter himself. under the toadstool, sound asleep, sat a big dormouse all in a heap. trembled the wee elf, frightened and yet fearing to fly away lest he get wet. to the next shelter-maybe a mile! sudden the wee elf smiled a wee smile. tugged till the toadstool toppled in two. holding it over him, gaily he flew. soon he was safe home, dry as could be. soon woke the dormouse-"good gracious me!" "where is my toadstool?" loud he lamented. -and that's how umbrellas first were invented.
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She didn’t understand why it was happening,” he said. “i had to tell her she would die. her social worker said i had to tell her. i had to tell her she would die, so i told her she was going to heaven. she asked if i would be there, and i said that i would not, not yet. but eventually, she said, and i promised that yes, of course, very soon. and i told her that in the meantime we had great family up there that would take care of her. and she asked me when i would be there, and i told her soon. twenty-two years ago.
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She's a yellow pair of running shoes, a holey pair of jeans. she looks great in cheap sunglasses, she looks great in anything. she's, "i want a piece of chocolate cake; take me to a movie." she's a, "i can't find a thing to wear." now and then she's moody. she's a saturn with a sunroof with her brown hair blowing. she's a warm conversation i wouldn't miss for nothing. she's a fighter when she's mad and she's a lover when she's lovin'.
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I like colourful knickers, but most importantly a great pair of knickers should be taken off with more joy than they were put on.
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