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The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of kevin "tubby" matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of santa with a beguiling authenticity. the false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the north pole.
-David Sedaris
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The Only Bright Spot In The Entire

David Sedaris
The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of kevin "tubby" matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of santa with a beguiling authenticity. the false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the north pole.
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Christmas Years Evening

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In some contexts in pakistan maybe a beard is negative. it depends. and in some contexts in america maybe a beard is positive. i think there's certainly lots of hipster communities where having a beard makes me look a little bit less like a, you know, middle-aged fuddy-duddy. and there's some places in pakistan where having a beard, you know, certain corporate contexts, certain social contexts, where it's not an advantage to have a beard.
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The discovery of the north pole is one of those realities which could not be avoided. it is the wages which human perseverance pays itself when it thinks that something is taking too long. the world needed a discoverer of the north pole, and in all areas of social activity, merit was less important here than opportunity.
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If you did wed my sister for her wealth, then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness; or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; muffle your false love with some show of blindness; let not my sister read it in your eye; be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; apparel vice like virtue's harbinger; bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted; teach sin the carriage of a holy saint; be secret-false.
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