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That was the funniest thing i'd heard in days. you're kidding, right? please tell me you have a stronger motive for me than 'fair is fair.' life isn't fair, dean....nothing is fair, ever. that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. i need to help you because fair is fair? try, 'i need you to help me so i won't rip out your spine and beat you with it.' i might respond to that. maybe.
-James Patterson
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That Was The Funniest Thing I'd Heard

James Patterson
That was the funniest thing i'd heard in days. you're kidding, right? please tell me you have a stronger motive for me than 'fair is fair.' life isn't fair, dean....nothing is fair, ever. that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. i need to help you because fair is fair? try, 'i need you to help me so i won't rip out your spine and beat you with it.' i might respond to that. maybe.
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Rip Trying Stronger

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Fair isn't fair, dean. like i'm supposed to help you because fair is fair? try i need you to help me so i wont rip out your spine and beat you with it. i might respond to that, maybe.
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We all know of course, that we should never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever fiddle around in any way with electrical equipment. never.
Way Should Equipment
I talk to groups studying the most advanced spiritual teachings and sometimes these people wonder why nothing is happening in their lives. their motive is the attainment of inner peace for themselves - which of course is a selfish motive. you will not find it with this motive. the motive, if you are to find inner peace, must be an outgoing motive. service, of course, service. giving, not getting. your motive must be good if your work is to have good effect. the secret of life is being of service.
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Wishing won't make it so hoping won't do it, praying won't do it religion won't do it, philosophy won't do it the supreme court won't do it, the president and the congress won't do it the un won't do it, the h-bomb won't do it, the sun and the moon won't do it and god won't do it, and i certainly won't do it that leaves you, you'll have to do it
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Homeland security chief tom ridge raised security alert to a code red. apparently howard dean has escaped. did you see dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? i see why his wife won't campaign with him. in fact, dean has a new slogan: 'aaghhhh.'
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Which way did they go, peeves?" filch was saying. "quick, tell me." "say 'please.'" "don't mess with me, peeves, now where did they go?" "shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said peeves in his annoying singsong voice. "all right- please." "nothing! ha haaa! told you i wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! ha ha! haaaaaa!" and they heard the sound of peeves whooshing away and filch cursing in rage.
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