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My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.
-Joan Rivers
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My Body Is Dropping So Fast, My

Joan Rivers
My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.
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Body Gynecologists Hats

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You have to stand up and be a human. you have to honor the man or woman that you are. respect your body, enjoy your body, love your body, feed, clean, and heal your body. exercise and do what makes your body feel good. this is a puja to your body, and that is a communion between you and god. . . . when you practice giving love to every part of your body, you plant seeds of love in your mind, and when they grow, you will love, honor, and respect your body immensely.
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When i was quite young i fondly imagined that all foreign languages were codes for english. i thought that "hat," say, was the real and actual name of the thing, but that people in other countries, who obstinately persisted in speaking the code of their forefathers, might use the word "ibu," say, to designate not merely the concept hat, but the english word "hat." i knew only one foreign word, "oui," and since it had three letters as did the word for which it was a code, it seemed, touchingly enough, to confirm my theory.
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It was the hat. he looked sweet in the hat. how could a man in a fuzzy blue hat have used human bones to pave his roads?
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When what we see catches us off guard, and when we write it as realistically and openly as possible, it offers hope. you look around and say, wow, there's that same mockingbird; there's that woman in the red hat again. the woman in the red hat is about hope because she's in it up to her neck, too, yet every day she puts on that crazy red hat and walks to town.
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Hat head is a sad affliction wherein the chosen hat and the selected hairstyle are grossly incompatible. the unfortunate combination results in a condition that can be hidden only with the application of another hat.
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I`ve got a black woolen hat and it`s got pervert written across the front of it. it`s the name of the clothing label. and i was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and i didn`t think. i just put my hat on clara`s head, because it was cold. and the looks. i couldn`t figure out why i was getting death looks. and then i realized my 10-month old baby`s wearing a hat with the word pervert written on it and these people were like, `there`s satan! there`s satan out with his kid!` and then i made a point of her wearing it every time we went there.
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My best friends when i was young were always doctors. i used to dress up in a white gauze helmet and go round and see babies born and cadavers cut open. this fascinated me, but i could never bring myself to disciplining myself to the point where i could learn all the details that one has to learn to be a good doctor. this is the sort of opposition: somebody who deals directly with human experiences, is able to cure, to mend, to help, this sort of thing.
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Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. if they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. it's just unclean. so if i go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, i'll explain this. and if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, i'll know she's not completely clean.
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That baby is so ugly... i've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. it's now my screensaver.
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