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I've always protected myself when it comes to love. and maybe that's the problem. by not letting myself get hurt now, it ripples into much bigger pain later.
-Carolyn Mackler
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I've Always Protected Myself When It Comes

Carolyn Mackler
I've always protected myself when it comes to love. and maybe that's the problem. by not letting myself get hurt now, it ripples into much bigger pain later.
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Hurt Pain Problem

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Grief does not end and love does not die and nothing fills its graven place. with grace, pain is transmuted into the gold of wisdom and compassion and the lesser coin of muted sadness and resignation; but something leaden of it remains, to become the kernel arond which more pain accretes (a black pearl): one pain becomes every other pain ... unless one strips away, one by one, the layers of pain to get to the heart of the pain - and this causes more pain, pain so intense as to feel like evisceration.
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Maybe it’s my own fault. maybe i led you to believe it was easy when it wasn’t. maybe i made you think my highlights started at the free throw line, and not in the gym. maybe i made you think that every shot i took was a game winner. that my game was built on flash, and not fire. maybe it’s my fault that you didn’t see that failure gave me strength; that my pain was my motivation. maybe i led you to believe that basketball was a god given gift, and not something i worked for every single day of my life. maybe i destroyed the game. or maybe you’re just making excuses.
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There is no enemy can hurt us but by our own hands. satan could not hurt us, if our own corruption betrayed us not. afflictions cannot hurt us without our own impatience. temptations cannot hurt us, without our own yieldance. death could not hurt us, without the sting of our own sins. sins could not hurt us, without our own impenitence.
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Facing the darkness, admitting the pain, allowing the pain to be pain, is never easy. this is why courage - big-heartedness - is the most essential virtue on the spiritual journey. but if we fail to let pain be pain - and our entire patriarchal culture refuses to let this happen - then pain will haunt us in nightmarish ways. we will become pain's victims instead of the healers we might become.
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