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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'get the hell off my property.'
-Joan Rivers
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I Told My Mother-in-law That My House

Joan Rivers
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'get the hell off my property.'
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Funny Mother Witty

More From Joan Rivers

She didn’t understand why it was happening,” he said. “i had to tell her she would die. her social worker said i had to tell her. i had to tell her she would die, so i told her she was going to heaven. she asked if i would be there, and i said that i would not, not yet. but eventually, she said, and i promised that yes, of course, very soon. and i told her that in the meantime we had great family up there that would take care of her. and she asked me when i would be there, and i told her soon. twenty-two years ago.
Years Two Heaven
What you and i need to do is learn to forget our differences. when we come together, we don't come together as baptists or methodists. you don't catch hell 'cause you're a baptist, and you don't catch hell 'cause you're a methodist... you don't catch hell because you're a democrat or a republican. you don't catch hell because you're a mason or an elk. and you sure don't catch hell 'cause you're an american; 'cause if you was an american, you wouldn't catch no hell. you catch hell 'cause you're a black man. you catch hell, all of us catch hell, for the same reason.
Powerful Men Differences
She asked me what was wrong, and i told her i had to end it. she was surprised, and asked my why i thought so. i told her it wasn't a thought, more a feeling, like i couldn't breathe and knew i had to get some air. it was a survival instinct, i told her. she said it was time for dinner. then she sat me down and told me not to worry. she said moments like this were like waking up in the middle of the night: you're scared, your'e disoriented, and you're completely convinced you're right. but then you stay awake a little longer and you realize things aren't as fearful as they seem.
Night Air Realize Things
She comes to me when she wants to be fed. and after i feed her -- guess what -- she's off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. she's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. she's actually a very smart cat. she gets loved. she gets adoration. she gets petted. she gets fed. and she doesn't have to do anything for it, which is why i say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life.
Smart Stupid Cat
Eventually she came. she appeared suddenly, exactly like she'd done that day- she stepped into the sunshine, she jumped, she laughed and threw her head back, so her long ponytail nearly grazed the waistband of her jeans. after that, i couldn't think about anything else. the mole on the inside of her right elbow, like a dark blot of ink. the way she ripped her nails to shreds when she was nervous. her eyes, deep as a promise. her stomach, pale and soft and gorgeous, and the tiny dark cavity of her belly button. i nearly went crazy.
Crazy Eye Sunshine
One thing i did have under my belt was, my mother lost her mother when she was 11. she mourned her mother her whole life and made my grandmother seem present even though i never met her. i couldn't imagine how my mom could go on but she did, she took care of us, she worked two jobs and had four children. she was such a good example of how to conduct oneself in a time of grief. when i lost my husband, i tried to model myself as much as i could on her.
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