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I said to my husband, 'why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' he said, 'i don't want to wake you up.'

-Joan Rivers

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I Said To My Husband, 'why Don't

Joan Rivers

I said to my husband, 'why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' he said, 'i don't want to wake you up.'

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Funny Husband Names

More From Joan Rivers

Wake up, america. the insurance companies took over health care. wake up, america. the pharmaceutical companies took over drug pricing. wake up, america. the speculators took over wall street. wake up, america. they want to take your social security. wake up, america. multinational corporations took over our trade policies, factories are closing, good paying jobs lost. wake up, america. we went into iraq for oil.

I don't think there's any intrinsic difference between a lover and a husband. ... if i were cynical, i would say that a woman should have both a good husband and a lover. but i'm not cynical so i'll just say that a woman should have a lover who's a good husband and a husband who's a good lover, perhaps both.

We humans have had from time unknown the compulsion to name things and thus to be able to deal with them. the name we give to something shapes our attitude toward it. and in ancient thought the name itself has power, so that to know someone's name is to have a certain power over him. and in some societies, as you know, there was a public name and a real or secret name, which would not be revealed to others.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. i blame my mother for my poor sex life. all she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. for three years my husband and i slept on bunk beds. i'm a double bagger. not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off. it's so long since i've had sex, i've forgotten who ties up whom. my best birth control now is to leave the lights on.

O romeo, romeo, wherefore art thou romeo? deny thy father refuse thy name, thou art thyself thou not a montegue, what is montegue? tis nor hand nor foot nor any other part belonging to a man what is in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, so romeo would were he not romeo called retain such dear perfection to which he owes without that title, romeo, doth thy name! and for that name which is no part of thee, take all thyself.

Love is real, real is love, love is feeling, feeling love, love is wanting to be loved. love is touch, touch is love, love is reaching, reaching love, love is asking to be loved. love is you, you and me, love is knowing, we can be. love is free, free is love, love is living, living love, love is needing to be loved.

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Not knowing is half the fun," aphrodite said, "exquisitely painful isn't it? not being sure who you love and who loves you? oh, you kids! it's so cute i'm going to cry!

I think there are plenty of men out there who are capable and accomplished in their own realm. you don't have to be in the same field. i've often been asked, "didn't you want to get married?" and of course i wanted to get married, but you have to fall in love and want to marry a particular person. you don't get married in the abstract. so, although there were people i felt i might have married, it just never happened.

If love is a yearning to be like (even to become) the beloved, then hatred, it must be said, can be engendered by the same ambition, when it cannot be fulfilled.

From the living fountain of instinct flows everything that is creative; hence the unconscious is not merely conditioned by history, but is the very source of the creative impulse. it is like nature herself - prodigiously conservative, and yet transcending her own historical conditions in her acts of creation.

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