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I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding of what forgiving is.
-Lewis B. Smedes
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I Have Discovered That Most People Who

Lewis B. Smedes
I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding of what forgiving is.
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Forgiveness People Understanding

More From Lewis B. Smedes

I worry about fast forgivers. they tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. or they forgive fast in order to get an advantage over the people they forgive. and their instant forgiving only makes things worse... people who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive... there is a right moment to forgive. we cannot predict it in advance; we can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives... don't do it quickly, but don't wait too long.
Forgiveness Pain Order
They say that when god was in jerusalem he forgave his murderers, but now he will not forgive an honest man for differing with him on the subject of the trinity. they say that god says to me, "forgive your enemies." i say, "i do;" but he says, "i will damn mine." god should be consistent. if he wants me to forgive my enemies he should forgive his. i am asked to forgive enemies who can hurt me. god is only asked to forgive enemies who cannot hurt him. he certainly ought to be as generous as he asks us to be.
Hurt Men Forgiving
Forgiving is tough. excusing is easy. what a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. and only then, in tough-minded judgment, can we do the outrageously impossible thing: we can forgive.
Mistake Impossible Things Understanding
How many times should you forgive your household bruiser? you should not even think about forgiving him. not yet. not as long as he has his foot on your neck. your problem at this point is not forgiving. your problem is how to get out of his reach. once you get away from him, you can think about forgiving him.
Forgiveness Thinking Feet
Forgive a wife-slammer if you can. but you don't have to live with him. forgive a husband who is abusing your children if you can. but only after you kick him out of the house. and if you can't get him out, get help. it's available. in the meantime, don't let him near the kids, and don't let anyone tell you that if you forgive him it means you have to stay with him. [there's an important difference between forgiving a person and tolerating their bad behavior.]
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Forgive yourself for not being the richest, the thinnest, the tallest, the one with the best hair. forgive yourself for not being the most successful, the cutest or the one with the fastest time. forgive yourself for not winning every round. forgive yourself for being afraid. but don’t let yourself off the hook, never forgive yourself, for not caring or not trying.
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