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He learned to live with the truth. not to accept it, but to live with it. it was like living with an elephant. his room was tiny, and every morning he had to squeeze around the truth just to get to the bathroom. to reach the armoire to get a pair of underpants he had to crawl under the truth, praying it wouldn't choose that moment to sit on his face. at night, when he closed his eyes, he felt it looming above him.
-Nicole Krauss
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He Learned To Live With The Truth.

Nicole Krauss
He learned to live with the truth. not to accept it, but to live with it. it was like living with an elephant. his room was tiny, and every morning he had to squeeze around the truth just to get to the bathroom. to reach the armoire to get a pair of underpants he had to crawl under the truth, praying it wouldn't choose that moment to sit on his face. at night, when he closed his eyes, he felt it looming above him.
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But as the work proceeded i was continually reminded of the fable about the elephant and the tortoise. having constructed an elephant upon which the mathematical world could rest, i found the elephant tottering, and proceeded to construct a tortoise to keep the elephant from falling. but the tortoise was not more secure than the elephant, and after some twenty years of very arduous toil, i came to the conclusion that there was nothing more that i could do in the way of making mathematical knowledge indubitable.
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My life is routine. i wake up early in the morning. i brush my teeth. i sit on the floor of the cell i do not go to breakfast. i stare at a gray cement wall. i keep my legs crossed my back straight my eyes forward. i take deep breaths in and out, in and out, and i try not to move. i sit for as long as i can i sit until everything hurts i sit until everything stops hurting i sit until i lose myself in the gray wall i sit until my mind becomes as blank as the gray wall. i sit and i stare and i breathe. i sit and i stare. i breathe.
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This is what metaphor is. it is not saying that an ant is an elephant. perhaps; both are alive. no. metaphor is saying the ant is an elephant. now, logically speaking, i know there is a difference. if you put elephants and ants before me, i believe that every time i will correctly identify the elephant and the ant. so metaphor must come from a very different place than that of the logical, intelligent mind. it comes from a place that is very courageous, willing to step out of our preconceived ways of seeing things and open so large that it can see the oneness in an ant and in an elephant.
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The reality of living by faith as though we were already dead, of living by faith in open communion with god, and then stepping back into the external world as though we are already raised from the dead, this is not once for all, it is a matter of moment-by-moment faith, and living moment by moment. this morning's faith will never do for this noon. the faith of this noon will never do for suppertime . the faith of suppertime will never do for the next morning. thank god for the reality for which we were created, a moment-by-moment communication with god himself.
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Or perhaps a widow found him and took him in: brought him an easy chair, changed his sweater every morning, shaved his face until the hair stopped growing, took him faithfully to bed with her every night, whispered sweet nothings into what was left of his ear, laughed with him over black coffee, cried with him over yellowing pictures, talked greenly about having kids of her own, began to miss him before she became sick, left him everything in her will, thought of only him as she died, always knew he was fiction but believed in him anyway.
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She was standing in the airport of copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. the door merely said h. was she an h? was h "hers"? it could just as easily be "his". or "helicopter room: not a bathroom at all
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