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For my first wedding, i cried all the way down the aisle. my fake eyelash came off. my nose was red. my eyes were swollen. i'm not one of those pretty criers.
-Sherri Shepherd
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For My First Wedding, I Cried All

Sherri Shepherd
For my first wedding, i cried all the way down the aisle. my fake eyelash came off. my nose was red. my eyes were swollen. i'm not one of those pretty criers.
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Eye Fake Noses

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Fake is not a word i like to use because there's nothing fake about what i do. it's a show, it's a predetermined outcome; we're putting on a television drama, action, comedy, whatever you want to call it - but it's not fake. fake would be if i was just about to take a body slam, and my stuntman did it. fake would be if i was going to take a chair shot to the head, and the chair was made of rubber. i'll tell the world that it's a show, but i hate the word fake. it's such an unfair term to us.
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I don't think fake people living in a fake house in a fake suburb are any less dismissible or believable than a fake psychic attending a fake school in a fake town. nothing's inherently believable about any kind of fiction, because all of it's untrue.
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I thought of all those heroines of fiction who looked pretty when they cried, and what a contrast i must make with a blotched and swollen face, and red rims to my eyes.
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I think it's very pretty. can it be pretty if no one thinks it's pretty? i think it's pretty. if you're the only one? that's pretty pretty. and what about the boys? don't you want them to think you're pretty? i wouldn't want a boy to think i was pretty unless he was the kind of boy who thought i was pretty.
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The good thing about england - like, if i were in france, all people would be doing is rubbing my nose in donald trump. as if i voted for him. just rubbing my nose in him. and in england, they'd be rubbing my nose in it too, except for brexit. so that means they can't rub my nose in anything!
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Walgreens, rite aid, cvs and wal-mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. and they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... first thing you're going to see: condoms. next to that: lubricant. next to that: pregnancy test. next to that: pampers. next to that: formula. and at the end of the aisle they sell beer.
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