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A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a mother's day card from one of them.
-Joan Rivers
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A Female Salmon Lays Three Thousand Eggs

Joan Rivers
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a mother's day card from one of them.
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Mother Years Eggs

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Salmon. salmon, salmon, salmon, salmon. i eat so much salmon at these weddings, twice a year i get this urge to swim upstream.
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When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on mother's day.
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Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. i loved it. i answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one i lingered over. i sent him a card and i drew a picture of a wild thing on it. i wrote, “dear jim: i loved your card.” then i got a letter back from his mother and she said, “jim loved your card so much he ate it.” that to me was one of the highest compliments i’ve ever received. he didn’t care that it was an original maurice sendak drawing or anything. he saw it, he loved it, he ate it.
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In ancient times, people weren't just male or female, but one of three types: male/male, male/female, female/female. in other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. everyone was happy with this arrangement and never really gave it much a thought. but then god took a knife and cut everybody in half, right down the middle. so after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing other half.
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In my dreams is a country where the state is the church and the church the people: three in one and one in three. it is a commonwealth in which work is play and play is life: three in one and one in three. it is a temple in which the priest is the worshiper and the worshiper the worshipped: three in one and one in three. it is a godhead in which all life is human and all humanity divine: three in one and one in three.
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Absolutely pay off credit card debt. if you're not getting a match in your 401(k) and you've got credit card debt, you've got to get yourself out of credit card debt. when you get out of credit card debt, your credit score goes up and interest starts to go down.
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